I LOVE fall!

It's so beautiful to watch the season changing! the leaves are oh-so-slowly changing to yellow. The night sky seems so much clear-er and more amazing with a chilly breeze trying to get through my sweatshirt. I broke out the scarves, hoodies and long sleeves this weekend and decorated my room for fall.

There are pumpkins in the stores, and apple cider- Soon it will be apple pie time! The leaves will keep getting more and more beautiful for weeks. And we'll have bonfires, and it will be great weather for hoodies, hot chocolate, and happy jack-o-lanterns. There will be crunchy leaves to throw, and to jump in. At Thanksgiving we'll get to see family and friends, watch parades and eat pie.

Happy sigh. I think my favorite thing about fall is that there's nothing to dread coming next- because right after fall is.... Christmas! It just keeps getting better :).

hurray for the Body of Christ!

one of my small group advisors was able to take a look at my car- and there is nothing majorly wrong with it- its just a problem Corolla had that year- so I just have to carry lots of oil on long trips.

AND when I came home tonight - (drum roll please) my computer is back!!!

hurray!!! Go God!!

Conversations with God

Hey all,

thanks for praying! Comp is still down- and car is out of commission too :(. Thank God for very sweet longhouse mates and small group people!

Guys- this is really stretching for me. I don't like to be dependent on people. I once read that "loneliness is a required course for leadership". And I still think that's true- but as I was praying about it this afternoon (after a good long cry with my small group advisors) God pointed out that since I want to be part of church planting... you know spreading the body of Christ.... I can't really be a toe all by myself. That doesn't do the body any good. (or the toe for that matter).And not having a computer or a car definitely forces me to depend more on the Body.

The truth is: I hadn't realized how hard this was going to be. I didn't realize HOW far Jesus was planning on stretching me. So we had an interesting conversation this afternoon that went something like this (inspired by our stewardship class this morning):

"God I want my computer!" "Will you follow me without a computer?" Me "yes" God- "Are you sure? What if you don't ever have a computer again?" Me (thinks a lot harder)"um....well... no duh- of course I will follow you without a computer. Where else would I go?" (repeat with car).

Me- "God, I'm so tired of being hot and dirty and exhausted!" God- "You do know what mission you signed up with right? You are likely to be hot and dirty and exhausted the rest of your life. Will you follow me anyway?" "But I don't like being hot or dirty or constantly exhausted" "is it more important than me?" me- grumbles. God-waits patiently. Me-sighs and feels sorry for myself and starts to whine something about how why doesn't everybody else have to God-"no no no. This is about you and me. Am I enough even when you are hot and dirty and exhausted?"

Not that I'm so good at following Him (and especially not at doing it with a good attitude), but its like what Peter says "Lord where else shall we go? you have the words of Eternal Life."

I don't know why I just wrote all that here- normally that would just go in my journal. But who knows, maybe it will encourage one of you like it did me.

And I know I probably will have a car and/or a computer at some point again. And chances are good that someday I will feel clean and energetic again. But I have been entirely too dependent on all those things. So now God is going to teach me that He is enough. And He works through His Body. And all though some days its very deep inside, I really am glad that He is.

Quick prayer request guys- my computer is on the fritz :( I tried to install Office 2010 and - well now I have no word processing ability at all (office or not). So the nice IT guys tried to fix it this afternoon but weren't able to so far. Maybe tomorrow. Anywho- so I will be computer-less for at least a couple of days- if you need me try the cell.
Please pray
-that the IT guys can fix my computer!
-that I am able to handwrite at super-sonic speeds so I can get down notes in class. Almost every point is a complete paragraph.
- for a good attitude. I like my computer. I use it A LOT. I think God has decided to point out that I like it too much.
-Praise for a random computer in the communication center I can use to do major homework on the next few days

Longhouse Mates

Accomplishment of the month: the term "longhouse" did catch on for our building! Go me! or rather go Mom, since it was her stories that inspired it.

But in case you want to put faces with some names, here's a picture of all of us "longhouse mates". *note for the vanity of all involved: it was 10 pm, pouring rain after a ridiculously hot and sticky day- so none of us are looking our best in this picture.

Back Row: Marianne, Promise, Michelle.

Front Row: Susie, bob, Rachel.

Marianne (top left) and I are roommates, Susie and Rachel (on either side of me) are roommates, and Promise and Michelle (top middle and top right) are roommates. We're all first semester except Rachel, who has been here a whole year already and is oh so kind to impart her vast knowledge of what in the world all those silly acronyms mean to us newbies.

Blessed Breeze

Seeing the people I grew up with this weekend was like a wonderful cool breeze in the middle of a muggy Missouri day.

I remember so clearly talking with Uncle Manny about what made a certain book good and Aunt Beth trying to teach me how to say "Saskatchewan". Aunt Candy read us "Briar Rabbit" . I remember Uncle Barry taught us kids the Bible chronologically- I still can see the pictures. Those are all great memories (and there a hundred more), but that wasn't what was so incredibly encouraging about this weekend.

Over the last few weeks it has been all too easy to get zoned in on the bad or the difficult memories, but man... from the moment we met up with these incredible people again- it was just hard to believe we have been split up for eight years. It was just- breathtaking to be able to look back and see some of what God has done over the years.

When we all sat down around the kitchen table and prayed yesterday morning- wow. I'm pretty sure there is nothing in the world like hearts united in purpose, in devotion to the Lord praying for each other. Wow.

Two other special people were there: Beto and Evelia. They're leaders of the body in the town where we lived all those years. They were able to come up for Kelly's wedding. During part of the ceremony, they presented Kelly and Brian with a Bible (tradition at Christian weddings in Mexico). I watched these awesome people charging the soon-to-be-weds to love God His Word and each other, sitting next to the daughter who was crying all kinds of happy tears.

And no wonder. They were once a million miles from God- and about ten years ago- He rescued them. In the tiny little town in the middle of a scary part of Mexico that nobody particularly cares about- God sent His Word- and now Beto and Evelia are taking the light to the people around them when the missionaries are no longer there. It may not be Ee-taow but its still incredible. God has been working all along. Just look what He's done so far! I wonder what's next?

sigh...

Guys I have to be honest... transition is still pretty rough. I know my posts are fairly perky- its because when I write I'm usually all excited about something. But overall... things are okay, but still kind of rough. Lots of homesick.

I want to be "home". I miss my family. (yes, already). I miss my friends. I miss church. I miss being actually involved in ministry rather than just getting my feet wet again. I miss my kids. I almost miss work, and I definitely miss my friends from work.

I don't like homework. I'm so, so tired, and more than a little overwhelmed.

I wonder if I can do this. I wonder if I even want to. I wonder if I have "enough" passion to reach the lost. I wonder what the heck I am thinking to sign up to go live in the middle of nowhere again, as things in the world get scarier and scarier.

I wonder and I wonder, but I just don't know.

And in the end all I'm sure of is this... Jesus loves me, and called me to Him. And if this is where He wants me, than this is where I'll be. Because He is totally, completely, so much more than worth it.