Hold the Ropes

Wow - a whole bunch of you must've been praying last night b/c I got the best night's sleep I have had in a long time! And I am feeling MUCH better today (again- a whole bunch of you must have been/must be praying).

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I'm a little hesitant to post this. But I have noticed over the years that once people post the prayer is being effective, people stop praying. Isn't that weird (and kind of stupid)? You'd think, that seeing how God is answering and using prayer in His work in the situation that we would pray more- but we stop (and I do mean we- I'm as guilty of it as anybody).

Please don't stop praying- I, all of the students and especially all of us newbies, have been hit VERY hard over the last week. And we're fighting to keep our eyes on Jesus and to follow Him through all this mess but it is very, very hard. One of the harder things I've had to do so far in my life.

There's a ministry here called "Hold the Ropes" that God has blessed me incredibly to be a part of. Its from a poem that talks about the importance of praying for brothers and sisters overseas following Jesus through extreme difficulty. And since I know many of you are involved in this as well (or you probably wouldn't be reading all this) I thought it might encourage you as much as it encourage me. (and now if I say HTR - you'll know what I mean Hold the Ropes). So keep praying- I really can't thank you all enough!

"Hold The Ropes”
Down beneath the mighty ocean
Divers plunge for treasures rare.
But men hold the ropes above them
So they breathe the upper air.

Seeking pearls of richest value
Braver hearts have dared to go.
But our hands must every moment
Hold the ropes that reach below.

So amid the heathen darkness

There are heroes, true and brave,
Shrinking not from death or danger,
Bearing all to help and save.

But they cry, “Oh, do not leave us,
“Mid these dreadful depths to drown,
“Let us feel your prayers around us,
“Hold the ropes as we go down!”

I forgot to add some blessings from this past week:

-Rosemarie- (the lady I help organize the prayer stuff with) is amazing! What a blessing- and I totally want her job someday :)

-Fee's album "Hope Rising" has really been the most incredible encouragement this week- either by cheering me up or pointing me to truth through tears

-I got to canoe a lot this week, and figured out how to steer :D mission accomplished!

-Mom and Dad are in the states and I can call them whenever I want! Yay! (they got called a lot this week)

- I got a very sweet package from Jess and Grandmom who are so nice and thoughtful and take all kinds of good care of me

-I can cook whatever I want for meals :D

-there are wildflowers around campus to pick.

So yeah- even though its been a super hard week- I wanted to make sure I mentioned the good stuff too

homesick

So- due to some very horrible news rocking NTM about some extremely selfish unChristlike sins people committed about 20 years ago- the honeymoon phase ended pretty early last week. And of course after the honeymoon phase ends- comes the homesick phase. Blah.

This is the part of moving I hate the most. Everything seems to be going wrong, and I second guess everything, and there's just wishing longing for the familiar. Yeah. Not my favorite. At all. But thank goodness, like all phases it will pass.

I miss my friends, I miss Grandmom and Jess, I miss knowing where everything is, I miss church, I've even started to miss the kids at work. And that should tell you how homesick I am if nothing else does :P Its funny the things that set me off though. Things like singing praise songs in chapel... and not being part of the worship team back at Faith. Or wanting to take a shower late at night... and it not being there. It being SOOOO stinking humid all the time-and I want to go back where it wasn't- hah missing Mexico there though, not Philly. Hopefully fall will get here soon too.

And then it brings up all the things I'm afraid of but the ridiculous and the realistic- oh my word - do I really want to go live in the scary jungle and eat nothing but bugs and snakes the rest of my life! Oh my word- I don't want to move all over the rest of my life- I want a home! On my word what if I can't find chocolate? Oh my word- what about raising support? Oh my word- what if I assimalate too well and become a scary hillbilly weird person and when I go back to Philly no one will talk to me? oh my word can I really do this all alone? (I know some of these are completely ridiculous, and that God will take care of the ones that aren't- I'm just trying to be honest about how things are going).

That's not to say everything's horrible right now, because its not really. It's just going to feel that way for a couple of days maybe two weeks at the most and then I will feel better.

I do NOT miss:

gas prices- its about about forty cents cheaper here.

The stars (or rather lack there of)- you can see SO many more here

if you wouldn't mind praying specifically for me that I would be able to get some sleep? I haven't been able to sleep for nearly a week now- waking up five or six times a night, and I know that's not helping anything. It also makes it very hard to pay attention, say in class, or Church (I have NO idea what the sermon was about- though I'm not convinced that was entirely my fault...lots of bunny trails in that sermon). Also leads to being much more easily stressed and very emotional (I nearly cried like 7 times today- and actually did cry twice)I don't know what's wrong, I've tried a couple different things, but I still don't seem to be sleeping.

I tried a church connected to the ministry I signed up to be involved with here ("outreach" is the official word for it). Everyone was very nice and the discussion was deep and full of scripture. Its a teeny tiny little church (maybe 25-30 people total) but they're doing a neat ministry to at risk youth in the area (the outreach I signed up for)

Okay this is getting really long (I seem to be doing that a lot- sorry! I will try to make the next one short) but I wanted to post these lyrics that have been super encouraging to me the last few days:

And the arms that hold the universe/Are holding you tonight/You can rest inside/It's gonna be alright

And the voice that calmed the raging sea/Is calling you His child/So be still and know He's in control
He will never let you go -Fee

wow what a week. Actually it hasn't even been a week yet. Weird.

Orientation this week- mostly explaining all the accronyms- I never realized how many there are my goodness! There's a lot of jokes running around about alphabet soup. Either that or that their goal is to make up so many acronyms that you can say whole sentences without ever having to use a real word :P.

In all seriousness though, this week has been wonderful- God has been so good to confirm over and over with so many little blessings that this is exactly where He wants me right now. Little stuff like cookies in the food pantry. Or bigger things like getting a work detail assignment (students work around campus in the afternoon to help keep costs down and teach us some more hands on type things about ministry overseas)- my assignment is to help coordinate the morning time where we pray for missionaries! It is the best work detail assigment EVER- what an incredible blessing! Its like an extension of the Prayer Team at Thrive (and I miss all of you, by the way). Rosmarie, the lady I work with is absolutely amazing- just overflowing with compassion and love for Jesus and prayer for His people at every turn- its is amazing! I hope after 30+ years of ministry my passion burns so bright and strong for my Savior and His people. Wow.

That is actually one of the most enormous blessings about being here. It seems like almost everywhere I turn there's one of "those" people. You know the ones I mean ? The ones that all you have to do is look at them and you can tell Jesus is up to something incredible in their lives -something in their eyes or the way they smile or things that make them excited that just tells you- God is so alive and enormous to them. Yeah them. They're everywhere! Not everyone of course, but I've never been around so many, its sooooo encouraging.

Making friends is going much quicker than I thought- because... well its pretty cool actually because just by virtue of being here, we know we have a lot of basics in common with everybody here. Its pretty amazing actually. And its been such a neat blessing to see some old familiar faces from Mexico popping up here and there too :)

It hasn't all been a bed of roses. Being back in the fish bowl I grew up in brings back a lot of memories- both wonderful, and painful memories. Its been an interesting week sorting through the good and the bad- but God has blessed SO much with a sure confidence that this is exactly where He wants me and what He wants me to be doing. And I am SO thankful for that!

Praise: for good friends- old and new

Praise: we found a microwave- cooking is MUCH easier now!

Praise: weather is cooling down a bit!

Praise: God is working all around us!

Prayer: Would you pray specifically that God would lead me to the church He has for me to minister in and with while I'm here?

I am so amazed and grateful that God has brought me here to get to know Him more. I can't wait to see what He's got in mind :)

And here we are!

Well I'm all moved in. Its so weird. Even with everything all set up now, it still feels like I'm in a weird dream or a book I read a long time ago.

Update: Time in Ohio with Mom, Dad, Grandpa and Grandma was wonderful- so much fun. Laughed a lot, cried a little, and heard SO many amazing stories of ways God had been faithful when each of them went through language school here. They also told me lots of horror stories so I would be good and excited to come :P

Friday I said good-bye and drove the last ten hours down to the Missioary Training Center(MTC). Once I had navigated my car all the way down the hill to the bottom of the gravel maze, I forgot where I was supposed to go. But as God's amazingness would have it, the first lady I walked up to ask for help was the lady I needed to find! So she took me to my apartment, and she and Marianne, my roommate, helped me bring everything in. Then we went on a tour of the MTC- good gracious, the whole things is a bit of a maze with all the construction. Eventually we finished, and then Ronda (the lady who found me) invited us both over for dinner.

Marianne had done a LOT of work on the apartment by the time I got here- she very much has an artist's eye, and it looks very nice. The mattresses are comfy, the closet is huge (or at least it looks huge to me), I get awesome cellphone signal, and the mattress is comfortable far beyond anything I could ever have hoped for! Some of you who have followed a bit of the issues with my back/neck can give praise with me for what an amazing blessing that is!

When Grandma told me the size of the house, I thought she was joking. She wasn't. Thank goodness I didn't bring my big comfy chair- it would never have fit :P. But there's much less cleaning this way- and I hate cleaning. I was more dissapointed that the apartments don't have showers- instead there is a public shower. Public shower's are one of my all time least favorite things. But as public showers go, these are very nice- probably the best set up for them I've seen, and at least there's a toilet in each house! And its good practice for going to a tribe where there likely won't be any plumbing at all.

I met the other girls in my building yesterday- Marianne and I share 101, Rachel and Suzie share 102 and Promise and Michelle share 103. They all seem very nice- I think we'll have fun together. I keep wanting to call the building a longhouse because it kind of reminds me of Mom's stories about the long houses in Indonesia, but I was informed that this building is called the "Ghetto". But I think Long house is better (except its not longer than any of the other student housing units up here.)

My favorite thing so far though is definately the lake. It is so gentle-peaceful. I was sitting by it this morning and it reminded me that God can give peace even when I'm more than a little overwhelmed by everything that just happened/is going on/is about to start. And then God reminded me that He is the point of it all. Not becoming Wild Wilderness Woman or the next Mary Slessor or even rescuing poor tribes locked in darkness, the point is Him.That is the point no matter where or I am or what I'm doing or whether or not I have shower. Knowing, loving and obeying Him with everything I am until the very last time I breathe.

its really here!

After a crazy whirlwind of a week... its here. Day after tomorrow this new adventure God's got for me begins. Today I said good-bye to the folks at Faith Church- I thought for sure I was going to cry during my last song with the worship team :( But I didn't- I finished the song. Its that sneaky trick that if you take tissues, you will not need them- i don't take them I will need them. So I took them up- apparently it worked. So many good memories- talking with Laura and Beth Ellen, Joe and Rich's oh-so-serious post service practices :P

And there was the big family dinner this afternoon to send us various cousins our seperate ways this fall. Slippy pot pie (one of Gmom's most amazing meals- and those of you who have eaten at my grandmom's house know that's saying something)- yum!

So many good-byes- but I haven't cried yet... I've wanted to a couple times but it was never an appropriate moment to do so. I can feel it coming on. But the excitement just keeps swallowing it. Please pray for me though, I'm nervous about how to say good-bye this time. I can't just burn all the bridges like I did when I was little, but I don't want to leave my heart here completely like I did when I left college. A healthy balance is what I need. I am TERRIBLE at balancing- litererally and metaphorically.

In happier news, all of my stuff IS going to fit into my car- hurray for Buddy's muscles and Jessi's crazy awesome packing skills. Work is all officially wrapped up and handed over. and now that the car is packed I actually feel a huge relief like I might actually get all this nonsense done in time! Hurray!

I really am excited that God is really going to let me go and use me, even me with all my issues and quirks, to spread His fame - SO excited!

Prayer- safe travel on Tuesday

Prayer-sleep hours to count at least double, preferabbly triple the actual ammount I am sleeping

Praise- stuff fit in the car!

Praise- wonderful lessons and personal development God has worked in me while I have been in the Philadelphia area.

One more praise, but this one takes a bit longer to explain. I have been praying that God would show me if/how my being here has been a benefit to others- I know it has been of incredible value to me and I have grown so much here, but I have really been praying the last two years that God would use me here to draw others closer to Him. I guess haven't seen anything amazingly solid that proved He had used in me that way, but He pointed out some things quietly in or through random conversations with friends- and it is encouraging to know that my service here in the Lord was not in vain either.

well my friends- my next update will be in ohio after the big goodbye as I stop to stpend some time with Grandma, Grandpa, Mom and Dad- Thank God! I think only something that good will get me through saying goodbye to everybody at Thrive and saying goodbye to Gmom, Jess and Bud Tuesday AM. But God knows. and it is going to be AWESOME!!!

One person can't feel all that- they'd explode!

Do you ever feel like there are just so many emotions going on inside you you're going to explode?

Eleven days from now I will be on the road... and I am SO excited to get to Ohio and see Mom and Dad and Grandpa and Grandma. And then two days and on to Missourri.

I'm ... I don't know what I am. I'm tired of packing. I can't wait to see my car all filled up and ready to go. I know I'm going to miss Grandmom and Jessi and Buddy- and all you guys at Thrive- especially my small group. I'm so excited to meet the people God's going to bring into my life in just a few weeks! I'm so exhausted my pillow is calling for me every minute. I want to be with my friends all the time, I just want to be by myself and try to process everything that's going on. I'm going to miss the people at work- I am so glad I won't have to deal with temper tantrums again for a while. Periodically I just get so overwhelmed I just don't want to think about it at all.

When I get overwhelmed by it all I start to either feel discouraged, or (more likely) just not think about it at all. God is so sweet to me- whenever that happens, He sends me some amazing encouragement. Today it was from an amazing friend of Grandmom's- her name is Doris Bowman, and she has lived an amazing, insane life of following Jesus. We only talked for a few minutes... but she told me a few quick stories of when God first started to call her- and it was wow. So encouraging. Exactly what I needed. God is so wonderful. Whatever do people do without Him?

Song in my head

I'm pack up, I'm leaving home, heading into the great unknown- its time. I have to go- So:

Here's goodbye and here's so long, I must got and follow Love, I feel my heart moving on, I must go and follow Love. Carry on while I'm gone- this is what I've been dreaming of! I'll miss you so, But I must go- Go and follow Love.

Pumpkins, Promises, and Packing

Steph, my best friend, came down Friday night and Saturday so we could go the beach- last time together before we'll be five states apart instead of just 2 hours. It was SO much fun- we splashed in the water, built sandcastles (or rather she built sandcastles while I took a nap and got a spectacular sunburn on my back), we ate boardwalk fries, and walked everywhere, we talked about everything under the sun (and a few things that aren't), we went shopping and sang songs... it as a wonderful time. I had kind of expected it to be a sad time. I remember, all too vividly, as I'm sure some of you other missionary kids do too, that horrible gut wrench every time you would come back to the States and find out that the people you had been calling your "best friend" all this time had forgotten you, or was to busy with their regular friends to say hi to you this time. And I've been dreading that with this move too- that when I come back, everyone will have moved on. Well as I've gotten older, I've gotten a bit of a new perspective: people do and should move on- that's how God made life to work. Staying focused on the past does nobody any good. But I have also gained some precious gifts of friends like Steph. No matter the miles (or kilometers), no matter how different our lives are- our friendship is precious gift from God, and I have no doubt that "We'll be friends till we're old and senile- then we'll be NEW friends." I am SO thankful for the friends past and present God has given me- and especially the present ones that will be around in the future :).

They're starting to put out fall decorations in the stores. I love fall- if I had to pick a favorite time of year (besides Christmas of course) it would have to be fall. I am kind of bummed that I will miss the leaves changing color this year. It was so wonderfully gray and drippy on Sunday I felt the need to make apple pie and drink hot spiced cider. God puts so many good things in all the seasons! I am excited to see what fall looks like in Missouri. After all, God "gives us richly all things to enjoy"He promises that He has a purpose for everything He asks His little ones to give up and that it is "not worth being compared" to the glory that is to come (2 Cor 4:16-18)

Packing continues- I am so proud to have finally reached the "I'm having trouble finding things stage :P. There's a large pile in the corner of my room to be sorted through, and I have yet MORE stuff to run to the Thrift store- how did I possibly fit SO much stuff into one relatively small room? Thank goodness for the chance to get rid of some of it!

O00- discovery of the week: Space Saver bags. I wasn't sure they would work, but I figured my little corolla was going to need all the help it could get fitting 95% of my earthly possessions inside. I am SO impressed! My comforter shrinks to 2 inches thick and there was room in the bag for some blankets as well! Hurray! I only bought three, but I am seriously considering getting some more :).

Car is getting its hopefully final inspection/tune up before the big move on Wednesday- please pray that all the kinks get ironed out quickly this time!

Also feeling under the weather this week- please pray for strength (physical and mental) to do all that needs to be done this week

Praise for awesome weekend

Praise- got AAA for the trip out to Missouri

Praise- 15 days until Jesus and I head out on our next crazy adventure!