Conversations with God

Hey all,

thanks for praying! Comp is still down- and car is out of commission too :(. Thank God for very sweet longhouse mates and small group people!

Guys- this is really stretching for me. I don't like to be dependent on people. I once read that "loneliness is a required course for leadership". And I still think that's true- but as I was praying about it this afternoon (after a good long cry with my small group advisors) God pointed out that since I want to be part of church planting... you know spreading the body of Christ.... I can't really be a toe all by myself. That doesn't do the body any good. (or the toe for that matter).And not having a computer or a car definitely forces me to depend more on the Body.

The truth is: I hadn't realized how hard this was going to be. I didn't realize HOW far Jesus was planning on stretching me. So we had an interesting conversation this afternoon that went something like this (inspired by our stewardship class this morning):

"God I want my computer!" "Will you follow me without a computer?" Me "yes" God- "Are you sure? What if you don't ever have a computer again?" Me (thinks a lot harder)"um....well... no duh- of course I will follow you without a computer. Where else would I go?" (repeat with car).

Me- "God, I'm so tired of being hot and dirty and exhausted!" God- "You do know what mission you signed up with right? You are likely to be hot and dirty and exhausted the rest of your life. Will you follow me anyway?" "But I don't like being hot or dirty or constantly exhausted" "is it more important than me?" me- grumbles. God-waits patiently. Me-sighs and feels sorry for myself and starts to whine something about how why doesn't everybody else have to God-"no no no. This is about you and me. Am I enough even when you are hot and dirty and exhausted?"

Not that I'm so good at following Him (and especially not at doing it with a good attitude), but its like what Peter says "Lord where else shall we go? you have the words of Eternal Life."

I don't know why I just wrote all that here- normally that would just go in my journal. But who knows, maybe it will encourage one of you like it did me.

And I know I probably will have a car and/or a computer at some point again. And chances are good that someday I will feel clean and energetic again. But I have been entirely too dependent on all those things. So now God is going to teach me that He is enough. And He works through His Body. And all though some days its very deep inside, I really am glad that He is.